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The impossible task

The impossible task.

Do you know the thing?

The thing you've been putting off for so long that it becomes the hardest thing you could imagine doing.

You put it off for so long that you pretend you don't even know the task is there anymore.

You put if off for so long you can't even remember your password to the website that gets you access to the thing.

You put if off for so long that the card you used for your subscription to the thing expired and you got a new card so you started getting notifications that your payment was declined and you needed to make new payment arrangements. But you don't even remember the password and the thing is even more impossible. And it's been way too long. And it's the hardest thing you could imagine doing.

Ok it's me. And the impossible task was this. Years ago I created this big new fancy website and was going to do this big fancy new blogging thing and I was going to stick to it by golly. For a while I did it and it was uncomfortable, then I got completely gut punched by fear and the idea of trolls and perfectionism and analysis paralysis and so then I took a new direction with it. Or rather, I quit. I just quit logging on to my website.


I am not who I was when I created this website.

I no longer do online fitness coaching. (I will do vegan coaching again when I figure that part of the website out.).

So why am I doing the impossible thing now? The emails were getting annoying for one thing. But I'm writing again! Often times my writing is just for me to process life and be less of a jerk, but sometimes there are stories that have to jump right out of me, things that really feel important to share.

I'm writing my first book. I'm living with chronic fatigue leftover from suspected COVID. I have a meningioma (tumor on my brain) that I'm having surgically removed this May. I'm a twin mom and also mom to an amazing nonbinary kiddo and don't tell anyone but also mom and step mom to 18 year olds!!. I'm on a journey of creating an antiracist household. Ditching diet culture. Challenging status quo everywhere I can. I need a container for all of these stories.

The impossible thing became possible with a strong enough need. Necessity is the mother of invention. I guess it's the also the mover of butts too. It's taken me a few weeks to do all the steps to make the impossible thing happen. I had to update my payment information and ALL of the old stuff on my website and now I'm finally doing the really impossible thing of making a new blog post. Now I can move on with the long list of ideas that I want to write about.

The moral of this story- if you have an impossible thing you aren't alone. Maybe it won't always be. As I moved into a new season of my life it became the right time.

Just do the next right thing, one small thing at a time. Growth...not perfection.

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